We're moving tomorrow. I'm sitting in my room, six years after it was last empty, a completely different and completely identical person to the girl I was when I first got here. I still need reassurance of my own ideas, but I can make my own ideas and decisions now. I deal with problems by avoiding them and hiding in a pile of stuffed animals and dramatic music, but now I can shake myself back into order and (eventually) confront what ails me, even if it's not always as confident an attack as I would hope. The attempt is still there, and that's so much better than I thought I could do. I've gone from accepting and obeying my mother's every rule to taking risks, getting my ears pierced without her permission, and inviting friends over in the middle of the night to sit in my room, play cards, and go swimming - sometimes without "full preparation," even. My hair has gone from proudly all-natural and waist-length to more colors than you can count in a minute. I have gone from wearing hoodies even in the summer, even in private, to baring my shoulders and arms in public. My phone, once left neglected and smashed about the bottom of my backpack, now has an expected parking spot on my left leg. I still barely understand sound tech but have recognized imperfection as acceptable and education as possible. My social life has erupted in the past five months like a dormant volcano, of course reaching its peak right as I leave. I still want a Someone, but have finally realized that sex isn't a race, whatever I may have thought from MTV as my sole form of english TV in my youth.

I want everyone I know and love to be here with me tonight, and for them to ignore what ill feelings they may have for each other and to please, please let tonight be about me saying goodbye to everyone that I'll miss. I wish that they could do that for me, but now it's too late. I don't know if I'll visit home after this summer, and by home i mean bethesda, but I just wonder whether or not we'll not all just continue on our ways and forget each other as usual. If that does happen, I guess I'll just brush myself off and keeping trying to grow into who I am as a person, as a woman, and as an individual mind with capabilities and potential. Hopefully I'll figure everything out at some point.

PS Up is a wonderful movie and everyone should go see it